A perfect moon

Today for the first time in my life ... I saw the moon through a super-zoom telescope. And I was staring at it for hours - almost 3 hours. I saw the craters, the channels .. and the 'connections'. I realised that if the moon were to be unblemished, it would be uninteresting ; without its craters and deformations .. it would be like a shining white paper - how very boring !
Arent humans too like that ?? Why should I like someone who is perfect ??

More ways to stay young.

Q.What do i like about magicians and musicians and tight-rope artists (funambulists??) ??

Ans: They donot stop at perfection. Perfection is not their goal.


Obsession is a young mans game . Grow wiser and Older, and he gives up.
He covers himself in the comfortable blankets of pragmatism and escapist wisdom. I have an obsession ... And now you know what keeps me young.

Epitaphs, Epigrams and Life ...

Even in death, people can have a sense of humour ... epitaphs are their way of saying ... "Time for one last joke ? "
I never dedicated any serious thinking time on what I ( technically speaking, the mason) should be writing on my epitaph. I had a spark of thought and decided I would write ...
"NO REGRETS". Hmmm as of now ... that sticks.

Some good epitaphs I found on the net ..

• That's all folks! - Mel Blanc
• Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me for not rising. - found in a cemetery in Ruidoso, New Mexico
• Here lies an Atheist
  All dressed up
  And no place to go.
• I TOLD you I was sick! --Epitaph of a hypochondriac. (lol)
  

Things you should never do .. in relation to epitaphs.

1) Never call up your dad and talk .. "Hi Dad... I was just wondering what you wanted to be inscribed on your epitaph"
2) Never have this 'printed' on your epitaph "SHIT HAPPENED".
3) Dont make your tombstone really really light

... more 'DONT DO THIS' to come.

Irrevocable laws of nature ( Part 1)

Law 1 : If you’re a guy with good hair, over 6’4” ( 6’ in India ) , and can talk like a jay bird, you’ll probably have a career in upper management. The universe will also allow you to be an entrepreneur, lawyer, or doctor. You are not allowed to work in a toll booth or be software programmer.

Law 2 : Nature loves chaos. There is more chance for chaos to penetrate into a discussion than order. Chaos comes above order in the pyramid of natural forces. ( Gravity comes way below, due to obvious reasons )

Thou shalt not screw up your life !

Ten Commandments according to Moses' God.

1.I am the LORD your God: Thou shalt not have other Gods before me.
( Be a religious fundamentalist .. carry a gun .. shoot others who do not belong to your religion . If you cannot afford a gun, go buy a good knife .... and remember to wipe off the blood and leave no trace behind.)
2.Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
( OH MY GAAAD ... You only remember me when you are in climax )
3.Remember to keep holy the LORD'S Day.
( Drink heavy on Saturday nights .. Sundays are for hangover, recuperation and slumber )
4.Honor your father and mother.
( orphans exempted )
5. Thou shalt not kill.
( just leave them half dead . It gives more suffering )
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
( Involve your wife . Threesome rocks. )
7. Thou shalt not steal.
( Just borrow and dont return. )
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbour.
( Rent-a-false-witness.com ..is reliable,cheaper and faster)
9.You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
( .... only his teenage daughter )
10.You shall not covet your neighbor's goods.
( .... they might be cheap and high-maintenance )

Ten commandments on drinking , girls and life in general ( according to me )

Commandment I: Thou shalt not drink alone in a bar.. ( Who shall drive you back after you have fallen twice getting to your bike ? )

Commandment II: Thou shalt not watch porn all night. ( There is a limit for adultery .. stick with one porn star a night )

Commandment III: Thou shalt politely smile at a joke which thou dont like .( if its from a gal) ( corollary : Thou shall frown at a joke that you dont like ( if it is coming from a guy )

Commandment IV: Thou shalt not take life seriously. ( why be serious when you have no control over it anyways ? )

Commandment V: Thou shalt not marry if you dont have plans to multiply. ( Safe sex is an art you should master learn before marriage ... procreate like rodents after you are married)

Commandment VI: Thou shalt act intelligent in front of girls. ( ... and Thou shall remember her name that night )

Commandment VII : Thou shalt not steal office supplies. ( Shame on you ... Really !)

Commandment VIII: Thou shalt not invite your friend for a drink .. just to spend time with his girlfriend. ( Invite only her, see if he dumps him)

Commandment IX: Thou Shalt not date more than one girl a day. ( Ever kept a limit on your spending dude ?? )

Commandment X: Thou shalt not borrow your friend's Digital Camera more than once.

Do I look like a Mallu ? No … you sound like one.

DISCLAIMER :

I base my observations on a few people I know that I often can relate to as ‘quintessential mallus’ ( including me ) . Any semblance to any other ‘mallu’ alive shouldn’t be taken as marks of offense/insult. Garv se kaho hi tum mallu ho. ( apologies to BJP : Garv se kaho ki tum …. )

A scientific approach to finding some answers

Recent turn of events in my life, when some one notices the occasional nasal tones ‘in some particular vowels and syllables’, when I use English as a mode of verbal communication, has set me to (sit down and) think about why only Mallus are assaulted for their innate 'abilities' to talk from their nose and accentuate on certain vowels .

French and German accents are considered sexy. ( for that matter Eastern European accents too ) . British/Australian accent is a turn on. American is real. Chinese as natural. A north Indian accent is more likely to be dismissed as the “Indian norm”. Even the ‘horrible’ Bengali-English accent is not as suspiciously or menacingly looked (down?) upon as the Mallu-English accent.


What makes Malayalam as a language different ? And where does the difficult-not-to-miss Mallu accent originate from ?

The peculiar case of extra vowels .

English has 5 vowels and 21 consonants
Hindi : 11 vowels and 35 consonants.
Tamil : 12 vowels and 18 consonants
Bengali : 14 vowels and 29 consonants

While Malayalam stands out distinctly with
16 vowels and 37 consonants !!! ( Iam wondering if there are any other Indian language with this many vowels or consonants !)

Does the extra vowels hold a reason for their nasal influence ? ( More research needed before I come to a conclusion)

Or could it be that the two special vowels (/äu/ and /ai/) taken from Sanskrit hold the key ??

The English influence on Mallu “expats”

Any Mallu who is not brought up in Kerala has to have a non-mother tongue which invariably becomes his first language ( and which is often English ). On the other hand, for a quintessential mallu brought up in Kerala, it is definitely Malayalam . English features as a very distant second language. So they are trained to use those difficult vowels from age Zero. Probably the first few vowels did contain the genetic modifiers .

Adding to the general indifference shown by Mallus towards the knowledge of their own language, not knowing how to read and write in Malayalam is rather considered not as a sign of disgrace but an essential factor contributing to your “urban-ness”. ( I learnt these two soon-disappearing-art at a very later stage in my life … with very conscious effort by finding a teacher during spare saturdays and sundays and taking me over 3 years.)

Quick Linguistical Discrimination Test

1. A mallu will have trouble telling “Roam in Rome” ( essentially sounds the same for him) ( Ref : Plaint of a Mallu )
2. A mallu will be immediately stared upon when using these words - College , Lorry, Omelet, Orange, Onion.
3. A monkey is sometimes pronounced Mangi.
4. Queen ….. is sometimes Kyuun .
5. Gulf is Gelf. ( for anyone who has gone to Dubayi )

Future Plan

Some day I plan to write an intelligent software which asks you to dictate few words / phrases and then calculates the obliqueness from the normal accent and locates you geographically with the help of your accent. ( The software will ‘jemb’ into ‘conglusion’ if it’s a Mallu taking the test. )

Cross references

To attribute unique accents to Mallus is not just biased but criminal . It exists all through the Indian subcontinent.

- Bangalis say “God Shave the Queen”
- For 'Andhrites' and people from Orrissa/Bihar, there is no ‘z’ there is only ‘j’
( A compressed file is a JIP file not a zip file.)
- thirty is thirrtty for a north Indian .

and did you forget the Bangalore English ?? so soon ?

As I always write … a quick and dirty way to escape these nuances in accent is to
‘roll the ‘r’s and flatten the ‘t’s.

To end it all with a Mallu Joke …

Why did the Mallu cross the road ??
-Simbly .

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Articles worth reading :
Spot the Mallu, anywhere by K. BALAKRISHNAN ( very essential research material ;) )

Wisdom Blocked and wisdom Blogged. ( references )
http://balancinglife.blogspot.com/2005/05/indian-accents-and-flawless-speech.html