Thou shalt not screw up your life !

Ten Commandments according to Moses' God.

1.I am the LORD your God: Thou shalt not have other Gods before me.
( Be a religious fundamentalist .. carry a gun .. shoot others who do not belong to your religion . If you cannot afford a gun, go buy a good knife .... and remember to wipe off the blood and leave no trace behind.)
2.Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
( OH MY GAAAD ... You only remember me when you are in climax )
3.Remember to keep holy the LORD'S Day.
( Drink heavy on Saturday nights .. Sundays are for hangover, recuperation and slumber )
4.Honor your father and mother.
( orphans exempted )
5. Thou shalt not kill.
( just leave them half dead . It gives more suffering )
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
( Involve your wife . Threesome rocks. )
7. Thou shalt not steal.
( Just borrow and dont return. )
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbour.
( Rent-a-false-witness.com ..is reliable,cheaper and faster)
9.You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
( .... only his teenage daughter )
10.You shall not covet your neighbor's goods.
( .... they might be cheap and high-maintenance )

Ten commandments on drinking , girls and life in general ( according to me )

Commandment I: Thou shalt not drink alone in a bar.. ( Who shall drive you back after you have fallen twice getting to your bike ? )

Commandment II: Thou shalt not watch porn all night. ( There is a limit for adultery .. stick with one porn star a night )

Commandment III: Thou shalt politely smile at a joke which thou dont like .( if its from a gal) ( corollary : Thou shall frown at a joke that you dont like ( if it is coming from a guy )

Commandment IV: Thou shalt not take life seriously. ( why be serious when you have no control over it anyways ? )

Commandment V: Thou shalt not marry if you dont have plans to multiply. ( Safe sex is an art you should master learn before marriage ... procreate like rodents after you are married)

Commandment VI: Thou shalt act intelligent in front of girls. ( ... and Thou shall remember her name that night )

Commandment VII : Thou shalt not steal office supplies. ( Shame on you ... Really !)

Commandment VIII: Thou shalt not invite your friend for a drink .. just to spend time with his girlfriend. ( Invite only her, see if he dumps him)

Commandment IX: Thou Shalt not date more than one girl a day. ( Ever kept a limit on your spending dude ?? )

Commandment X: Thou shalt not borrow your friend's Digital Camera more than once.