Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Thou shalt not screw up your life !


Ten Commandments according to Moses' God.


1.I am the LORD your God: Thou shalt not have other Gods before me.
( Be a religious fundamentalist .. carry a gun .. shoot others who do not belong to your religion . If you cannot afford a gun, go buy a good knife .... and remember to wipe off the blood and leave no trace behind.)
2.Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
( OH MY GAAAD ... You only remember me when you are in climax )
3.Remember to keep holy the LORD'S Day.
( Drink heavy on Saturday nights .. Sundays are for hangover, recuperation and slumber )
4.Honor your father and mother.
( orphans exempted )
5. Thou shalt not kill.
( just leave them half dead . It gives more suffering )
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
( Involve your wife . Threesome rocks. )
7. Thou shalt not steal.
( Just borrow and dont return. )
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbour.
( Rent-a-false-witness.com ..is reliable,cheaper and faster)
9.You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
( .... only his teenage daughter )
10.You shall not covet your neighbor's goods.
( .... they might be cheap and high-maintenance )

Ten commandments on drinking , girls and life in general ( according to me )

Commandment I: Thou shalt not drink alone in a bar.. ( Who shall drive you back after you have fallen twice getting to your bike ? )

Commandment II: Thou shalt not watch porn all night. ( There is a limit for adultery .. stick with one porn star a night )

Commandment III: Thou shalt politely smile at a joke which thou dont like .( if its from a gal) ( corollary : Thou shall frown at a joke that you dont like ( if it is coming from a guy )

Commandment IV: Thou shalt not take life seriously. ( why be serious when you have no control over it anyways ? )

Commandment V: Thou shalt not marry if you dont have plans to multiply. ( Safe sex is an art you should master learn before marriage ... procreate like rodents after you are married)

Commandment VI: Thou shalt act intelligent in front of girls. ( ... and Thou shall remember her name that night )

Commandment VII : Thou shalt not steal office supplies. ( Shame on you ... Really !)

Commandment VIII: Thou shalt not invite your friend for a drink .. just to spend time with his girlfriend. ( Invite only her, see if he dumps him)

Commandment IX: Thou Shalt not date more than one girl a day. ( Ever kept a limit on your spending dude ?? )

Commandment X: Thou shalt not borrow your friend's Digital Camera more than once.

1 comment:

Remember my name from last night? said...

Heh heh .. I laikk .. *Arrr*

"Florentino is so in love with Fermina that he eats gardenias and drinks cologne so that he can know her taste. He becomes drunk on the cologne, and his mother finds him the next morning, in a puddle of his vomit, in a cove of the bay where drowning victims are known to wash ashore" - Love in the time of Cholera