Past Perfect ....... Future Tense !

An arm chair hunter's trophy wife , a million Rupees in your savings account, a flat in Bangalore, a brand new Honda SUV, a killer sales job, 2 kids, enviable social life - and almost everything that a man can own.

What does one need ? Wait .... What do "I" need ?

Last night I slept peacefully. The thoughts were not taunting me anymore .. atleast thats what I thought. I wish I had made peace with myself ... and then I took one of those "female" magazines ... genuinely female ... went to the loo .. started reading an article which headlined.. "31 things you should do before you turn 30" .

Of all the 31 stupidly astonishing things mentioned in the article, I had done just one - a permanent tattoo on my body - the rest were beyond me ... and I would have hated myself if I were a girl ( hmm a lady?? ) and if I had done even 10 of those 30 in the list .

Or would I have ?

The business we are in ....

Vincent:     No questions, no answers.
             That's the business we're in.
             You accept it and move on.
             Maybe that's lesson number three.


- Ronin ( 1998 )

An Ode to a little piece of my heart

There lies a piece of my heart ..
So detached, no longer feels my part ..
Last few days before it falls apart ..
Help me world, I so need a fresh start.

And Bye Bye dear Sweet World .
Guess you have been so cold.
Leaving me alone ..feeling all tired and old ..
Telling me those stories which were better untold !

Taller than thou

My mom might not have realized that I am taller than her. For her ... I am still that eleven year old who comes late from school .. dirty linen .. ready for another 30 minutes of verbal castigation ... till I bathe myself clean, my well oiled hair neatly combed to the right, with fresh knickers and shirt, with that real big face silently bowed down to the plate full of food and soon after without much play time, push myself to do that days homework. That was a torturous childhood .. but now .. I think I miss it all.

If four words defined my childhood , they would be .. hardwork, discipline, punctuality and godliness. Always denied that pleasure of food outside house, no mingling with 'bad company' and no drinking coffee. ( Wine was something given along with the holy eucharist ) .. Whiskey ? What is that ?

Now .. the orderliness has gone to the dogs .. the dogs are dead and the dead will never rise. ( Or maybe I hope they will resurrect themselves someday along with the dogs and I will clinch my order from the hungry dogs. )

Amen.

Put the black man in the white house !

"Put the black man in the white house"

Now thats what I call a racist campaign that actually works if you are Barak Obama.

I was going back to the research I was doing during the 2008 Elections ... And well ... now I think McCain would have done a better job. I think . Maybe Iam wrong .. maybe we are all wrong .
Maybe the Obama campaign was all a hoax. Maybe half of America just liked a $730 Million advertisement ! ( see the Obama campaign expenditure here )
Just to show you how tacky it was ... have a look at these pictures I got as an email fwd ... I would definitely vote for a really "hard working" "poor president" like him !


Yeah they were right ... A slim guy with a weird name ... Maybe he is just that.

Good luck Mr.President !
In Obama we (still ) trust !

Stupid cupid

Every time you pass by that stair ..
The apple of my eye moves towards you like a revolving chair ..
And then, without consent, my heart goes to a silent little prayer
Wishing for an evening and a table that you and I could share ..
Waiting for my chance for letting you know how much I care.

Every night your memory lingers like that spilt perfume .
Then I dream all night of you and me - bride and groom.
Morning I dance alone and wait for you in my best costume.
Then I see you laughing past me with someone looking like John Hume.
And then I silently curse my fate and go to the smoking room.

In the ballroom, I watch you from a distance when you dance.
Waiting silently for you to throw a glance.
My heart prompts me to make that right advance ..
Foster my courage and walk up to you in a trance ..
And then .. Trip, fall and spill my drinks all over the expanse.

I know you still despise those lines I never told you ..
And the thought of having your name on me as a tattoo .
What I want from you , I confess, I have no clue ..
But when the time is ripe And the night is blue ..
All I want is to spend an evening with you before I say adieu.

- Mercury ( Today morning ! )

Beauty lies in the perspective of the beholder

He looked into the mirror and asked her,

Do you think we get uglier by the year ... or grow more beautiful ?
She : It all depends on the perspective.
He : You mean ... the angle of the mirror ?
She : No ... depends on who is looking at you.

Silence.

Holi Cow !

Today is holi .. something that doesnt mean a thing to me ... other than the random amusement provided by jobless hooligans ( who look like a cross breed of a peacock and a Hawaiian parakeet ) on fast bikes throwing balloons of colorful chemicals and painting mute animals pink, yellow and green .

After having thoroughly drenched every street go-er with their sadistic colors ( which would stay on them like blood on guilty mans hands ) ... they started painting the cows, dogs and cats with colors ! Out of these animals ... they made a holi cow, a dirty bitch and a pink pussy !!

Coolest thing you have done lately

Was sitting lazily on my lazy chair ... planning to be a little lazy for the rest of the day ... ( usually happens soon after I wake up and check my mails ... along with a dash of Dire Straits and a bad coffee ... and (if lucky) with the double sunny-side-up chick pre-embryo ...) and was thinking ... what was the coolest thing that I did in the last few weeks ... ?

Hmmm I should agree with my hypothalamus and the soft part of the cranium .. it was a tough job . To remember things is one thing ... and to find the coolest among those events .. aah even tougher ... Nevertheless ... I did manage to find one ... The simple act of waving my hands in acknowledgment and fighting my urge to go talk to someone whom I had the hots for ... yeah .. that was probably the coolest thing I did lately. ( Absolutely Looserly !)

Now I know ....

Now I know why Salsa is the sexiest of all dances .... Phew !

You don't look at the foot or the trotting .... you hold your hands around carelessly yet giving her a sense of security ... and you look into the eyes .. measuring its depth with every passing glance ...

And like many things in life ... Salsa is about the journey ... not the destination .
Try with a dash of red wine ... ( or as they say ... little tequilla maybe ? )

Reading is discipline

Reading as a form of mental discipline .. is ( maybe ) the easiest way to self mutilation. There is this thin and hazy line that forms between what you are and what you want to be . ... I dont read much fiction ... I do love reading though ... I do love having books as company ... those lovely books to decorate my cupboards which helps me act scholarly ... those one-minute-books and those teach-yourself books. Face and soul savers.

I do remember meeting someone who was a book worm ( I hate this word ) . She did put me to shame with her unlimited usages of wonderful phrases which was amusing in the first-hear. I was ashamed being a fake.

Why some things never change ...

Yeah .. somethings can never be changed ... like the story of the scorpion and the frog ( Crying Game ) ... and those old Aesop fables which we all refused to believe in while we were kids ... ( you didn't ? )
Iam back to my normal self .. somehow . .. it feels good . . . weird .. but feels good.

If love is an insect ..

If love is an insect ... let it run into the flame and burn itself up !

Overheard in the office

My office is packed with know-it-all informaticiens ( Fr. for loser coders )

somethings I overheard today ...

... 200 ml of Coca cola is good for constipation !
... Bill Gates was a hacker !!! ( yeah .. and Larry was a peanut seller )

My lover is dead

-My dear child , what happened ?

-My lover died .

-Lover ? I saw him this morning . He was full of energy.

-No sisters, believe me .. he is dead. I know when he died. The sun just arose and was shining on him there was deep fear on his face . I saw that .

- That terrifying love. Why does this love feel so thorny ?

- Elena, Lets go home . I want to change everything

- Lives of Others ( Das Leben der Anderen) , 2006

Old Tequila Dreams

Somewhere down south in one of those beaches in Mexico, there is a string of run down shacks where old retired guitarists play slow electric numbers and sell tequila and make a living.

Old men who have nothing more to look ahead in life than death.
Anyone is welcome to come over , stay a few days, have a nice time and leave. I decided to move there and set my own shack. Old and pretty much having nothing more to look forward in my life myself, I thought this was my last resting place. My fingers are not as fast as it used to be to play fast tracks on my electric guitar, but I play those vinyl tracks to attract immature youngsters who just want to have a nice time for a while.

And then I met my old crush in one of those shacks. She was old, but she was still beautiful. She was with an old Mexican Indian who seemed very much like an old mexican Indian. I imagined that years ago, she must have come traveling all the way, met him and settled down. Maybe they had kids, maybe they were happy. Why did I bother ? She did recognize me, I went to her, she invited me over to her table for a drink and I graciously accepted the offer. It turned out that the Mexican did not speak English, but did speak Spanish, which she was quite good at. And in the ensuing conversation she was the designated translator. And then she told me that Its been exactly a year after she had married him. Just a year ! I wish I had met her a year before ! He wasnt a conversation king. He wasnt attractive - those heavy wrinkles on his face told it all .. and he didnt have anything that anyone would want to marry him for. And then I asked her ..

Why did you marry him ? Why ?

She did not answer me, neither did she translate but just silently stared at me with a heavy face. For an instant, I wished I had married her.

I wished them both a good evening, left that place, went to my shack and played an old track which , to me, sounded like Blaze of Glory . And then a sudden burst of thoughts flashed in front of me.... I wanted to go back in time, have a nice life and dream of children and a life with a family.

But it was late .. much too late ... or was it ?

Dont we all hate irresponsible Media ?

I've had enough watching news on TV ! Times Today .. TV18 ... Blah blah .. all yellow journalism .. makes me feel all yellow !
I cant but compare the urge for the media to sell new to some old joke I barely remember .. Its something like this ... ( Things in italics are real .. Staements in bold are what the media (newspaper) says . )

The pastor was very fond of his donkey and entered it in the race and it won ! And entered it again .. and it won again .
News paper says : Pastors Ass out front !

Bishop gets pissed off . He forces the Pastors donkey to get out of the race.
News paper says : Bishop scratches pastors ass.

Bishop is furious .. Asks the pastor to get rid of it . Since its so dear to him, he gives it to the nun.
News paper says : Nun has the best ass in town.

Bishop is pissed off again .. and asks Nun to get rid of it . Nun sells to a farmer.
News paper says : Nun sells her ass for $50.

Bishop is pissed off again ( yeah as always ) asks the nun to buy back the donkey and let it free in the wild ..
News paper says : Nun announces her ass is wild and free.

Now you be the judge ...

The Difference Makers

The Blue Ribbon movement is part of a larger campaign, Difference Makers International, founded in 1983 by Californian Helice 'The Spark' Bridges. Bridges' goal is that every American receive a blue ribbon and that everyone in the world is acknowledged by 2004 !!!!



WOW !


Read these true life testimonials from the Chicken Soup for the Soul . Here is the original blue ribbon story [LINK]
and a less dramatic but real to life one .. here [LINK]
And if you want to buy the Blue Ribbons ... go here [LINK]

P.S : Ribbons costs a dollar each .

The condom analogy

When perching on my revolving chair ( i raise it so high .. that i feel dizzy ) and rummaging through my old mails for something important ... I found this 'lovely' (email) forward ..

Setting : circa 2004 election time ( Iam talking AmeriKa ... )

--------------------------------------------------------------------
The White House announced today that it is changing its emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the Republican Party's stance. A condom accepts inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually getting screwed.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

My reaction : Hah !!

26 things you didn't know about me

1) Am mostly a happy-optimist who does lend (valuable) things to others .
2) Unlike what I sometimes project, Iam *NOT* a people-person. Invariably I distrust people more than I trust them. Are you listening ?
3) I have a tattoo on my foot ( the yin-yang ) and I take care of it like how a tattoo needs to be taken care of.
4) I like going out partying .. but in reality Iam not a party-person.
5) I like to be among loved ones .. but I dont have any around me ! ( Damn .. Am i depressed ? ) ( I confess : Sometimes I crave for a hug ... ) ( Damn .. I AM depressed ! )
6) I love computer games .. but I have 'grown a disdain' towards it because I suck at it.
7) I dont play tennis, basketball , cricket, or for that matter any sport that has do with my right hand. ( I had a freak accident that dislocated my right hand.. and now iam even scared to pick up a fight ) I dont bowl either. I dont lift weights though I jog.
8) I love talking to people Iam comfortable with .. I talk so much that people avaoid me the next time ... ( now did I say .. a) people whom IAM comfortable with .. not not who are comfortable with me !! b) people who are comfortable become 'un'comfortable with me :) )
9) Like everyone else I feel that Iam special ( Aaah ... not the mentally challenged 'special' ... you duffer ! )
10) I havent watched a movie alone in a single-sitting for a really long long time. ( Yep .. I used to go to movie halls alone ... but I have stopped doing that )
11) In a crowded mall, I sometimes feel concious .
12) Iam a poor dresser . ( I dont understand colors and matchings )
13 ) I sometimes think that Iam an undercover agent for some non-existent spying agency. ( In a crowded hall .. I search for people spying on me ) . Reality being .. Iam just another IT worker bee lost in the crowd. ( People take to fantasy to amuse their over-worked caffeine-dependent brains and otherwise dull life. )
14) I would like to be unmarried for ever .. but I need companionship .
15) I believe computers are an invention of the devil to keep people away from each other. ( now for once .. iam kidding )
16) I spend long hours reading other's blogs . Sometimes they are the only times when I take a break from work .
17) I hate regret ... I regret having to regret. I regret that I have to hate regret. My personal philosophy on regrets - They are hell on earth.
18) I so believe in the 80-20 rule .. or hmm 20-80 rule .. hmm maybe Iam getting it all wrong .. . Okay let me put it this way .. I donot want to spend 80% of my time .. pushing that 20% of perfection factor ... I would rather be happy getting it 80% perfect doing 20% of the effort .
conversly ...
I love any article with the heading "Tips and Tricks"
19) Iam *NOT* a foodie .. If it were possible to get my hands on a pill that would give me the daily-calorie-intake, I would happily feed on that .. ( but to confess again .. not for long ... maybe to break the boredom I might shift to a well-balanced-mouth-watering meal ! )
20 ) I do keep in touch with people. ( I like doing that ) - Getting in touch with old friends ( not aged friends ) gives me a kick. ( Hmmm I mean .. I do it for the kicks .. you know .. not literally )
21) I sometimes sweat at room temperatures.
22) Iam a coffee person .. nope. ... wait .. I like tea ... I mean I like coffee better than tea .. But I crave for tea more often ... hrrrr .... Frankly speaking ... Iam confused about it .. I like both ; depends on my craving.
23) I like taking long breaks from work. But hate frequent ones.
24) I sometimes wish I were 2 inches taller . ( But Iam happy with my body-type )
25) I like the feeling when it is just about to rain heavily ... and I like the smell of soil after the first rain . .. ( Cliched ..isnt it ?? I never claimed I have unique refined tastes )
26 ) I keep changing my mind ... every once in a while .. Nah ... not really .. Actually yeah .. Hmm Maybe .... Anyways ... I meant ... my priorities and decisions keep changing ... ( BAD !! ) bite this .. Initially this post was titled "23 things you didn't know about me" . Now I have to change it .

Now you are in the know !
( More to be added ...... )