Peltzman and Me

I got pulled over by the way side traffic cops. They realised ( I already knew ) that my emission check for the motor was expired by 2 weeks and I was carrying a lapsed insurance document. I was clearly at fault. ( Either Rs.700/- or Rs.200/- as a get-away money. ) I didnt have the money for the whole and I didnt want to bribe them. Its not an easy guess what I did.

3 days later
I have all my papers and all documentations done and now I drive recklessly . I try to provocate the cops just wanting them to pull me over and check my documents .
It was definitely the Peltzman effect.

Points here :

a) It should be made illegal for a cop to stop a traveller, without provocation or tangible proofs of traffic violation.
b) When there is a lot of traffic congestion/irregularities in Bangalore, the efforts should be focussed on fixing them first. ( not taxing the people at fault .. the government / traffic authorities should be taxed first ! )
c) What is the point of wearing helmets if the traffic moves at 20km/hr ?
d) Why is it NOT mandatory to wear seat belts inside a car here in India ?
e) There should definitely be regulation on the number of speed breakers , their dimensions and their location. ( And definitely atleast one neon light above them in the nights )

Sex sells ... and also buys !

I always had trouble with the documentation department in the bank to get my loans approved . Hmmm read this ! Loans for sex !
(Now how about a hooker wanting a loan ?? sounds so easy ! )

A brush is mightier than the gun

NYPD cops shoot down an 18 year old teen who was 'armed' with a hair brush.

Here are some points to note:
a) 911 call done by the victim's mother.
b) 5 cops - as much as 20 shots.
c) witnesses say the teen had dropped the 'weapon' before cops opened fire.

Now here is a Law to be passed by the Congress.
- shooting by the cops should only be done after the sight of a weapon.

( now that leads to a debate on what can be defined as a weapon. This is nothing new in a country which had trouble defining 'Sex' ( Forgot the Starr report and Clinton impeachment ? )

King Tut's face

Finally, we see King Tutankhamun's face . Looks very much like the mummies of Peru, but the most interesting thing is the efforts of the archaeologists' to recreate the face ! We had to wait 3000 years Mr. Tut !














Look what they have done to him ;)
Interesting facts only someone who was alive 3500 years ago could have confirmed .

• King Tut had buckteeth ;)
• He was killed when someone spanked him on his face with a heavy frying pan !!!

Want Worries ? Buy a Skoda

So says some irate customer . I saw this red Skoda promptly parked on the busiest street in Bangalore ( hmmm 'arguably' the busiest street ) .. on the Brigades.


Remember: Its a paid parking on Brigades ... Thats what you call an obstinate irate owner.

Want to know your past ??

Yesterday on a quick visit to Church Street, I went into the Magazines shop for my weekly quota of Indi-masala. And I found the 2005 Bejan Daruwalla Annual Horoscope ! ( A 2005 annual horoscope ?? ) Isnt that a self deprecating humour to sell a 2 year old version ?



Iam just curious to know who would buy it !
( Let me guess ... some one who lost his memory in a car crash during the end of 2005 and wants to know what happened to him in the early days of 2005 ? ... or .... hmmm iam thinking of more creative answers. )

Sprite bujhaye bas pyas.

Funny ad I found in the car park lot in Garuda Mall.


Btw : I like point #6 :)

'Ever ready' for a boycott

When Dow Chemicals bought over Union Carbide, would they have anticipated a boycott from IITans 15 years later ? Why NOW ? Why not NOW ??
Can the boycott be extended outside the academia and into the real world ?
Can we all join hands and boycott their product ? ( Eveready batteries for the uninitiated )

Is this move good or bad ? What more could go wrong anyways ?? Who favoured out of Bhopal ?
Its time companies had a common quality and safety control standard through out all of its international manufacturing units .

Its all about Pooja !

Its a funny world . Pooja comes every year and goes every year . Everyone wants a good year. Three pictures I took for this years pooja .
1) Before pooja , a motor-mechanic-shop-owner ( phew... is there someone like that ?) clears all the 'junk' accumulated over the past year and turns his shop into something brand new. Readying for a better year.

2) On the day of pooja, some devout believer plants a tree on his kinetic honda. ( Talk about moving trees from Lord of the Rings :) ) . How can he ever ride safely on bangalore roads ?? ( Aaahh bangalore did you say ? forget safety ) The only parallel that I could draw was American highway travellers attaching two pine trees on their harley davidson during christmas and trotting the freeway 101 !!



3) A day after pooja , some one really hopes for a real good year ahead. Wishes came in bundles and bottles .. and probably it was too much of intoxication ... delirious with joy and in high spirits, he forgot his surroundings.

The 'rises' and 'falls' of bangalore roads

I thought Kerala had the worst maintained roads. Surprise Surprise ! .. Bangalore roads are even worse ! Move 3kms away from ITPL ( the hub of Software Companies and where even the Chinese Premier and other international 'figures' are brought in to impress ) and you would find one of the worst maintained roads in or around bangalore. Even worse are the speed breakers ( back breakers ) so steeply made that prompts me to think that the makers were inspired by the Pyramids.

Worse even still ... the roads that have more than 7 speed breakers within 1.5 kms ( not a tinge of exaggeration) have no street lights. So a first-timer on these roads would definitely have a roller- coaster ride ( literally ) .


Recently I got a forward from Gods own country .. A picture that reflects the sense of humour and the exasperation of the people in Kerala. The best roads in Kerala are something to be "fished" for. ( Worth travelling to Gods own country once in a lifetime... )

How much beer can one drink in a life time ?

A brewery in New Zealand has offered a reward of a 'life time worth of beer' for anyone who brings back (or give clues leading to the recovery of ) a laptop, which was a part of a loot after a break-in.


Later this 'life time worth of beer' turned out to be a dozen bottle of beer per month - that comes to roughly 50 liters of beer per year ! And assuming the 'lucky one' gets to live another 30 years ... thats 1500 liters of beer ( and according to their website ... it costs close to USD 9700 ) .. Hmm not a pretty bad deal !

The company has blatantly publicized the latest happenings about case of the missing laptop. I would definitely come back to their site and check out what happened ;)

If gossip were the food for soul ..

New ( useless ) research has proved that gossip has the unlimited potential to influence people's opinions . Now tell me something new ... Did we need a research for this ???

Animal Farm

My living quarter has been reduced to an Animal Farm. 2 rabbits and 10 fishes give me constant sleepless company.

Companionship has never been cheaper. We crave .. therefore we adopt.
Amen.

A perfect moon

Today for the first time in my life ... I saw the moon through a super-zoom telescope. And I was staring at it for hours - almost 3 hours. I saw the craters, the channels .. and the 'connections'. I realised that if the moon were to be unblemished, it would be uninteresting ; without its craters and deformations .. it would be like a shining white paper - how very boring !
Arent humans too like that ?? Why should I like someone who is perfect ??

More ways to stay young.

Q.What do i like about magicians and musicians and tight-rope artists (funambulists??) ??

Ans: They donot stop at perfection. Perfection is not their goal.


Obsession is a young mans game . Grow wiser and Older, and he gives up.
He covers himself in the comfortable blankets of pragmatism and escapist wisdom. I have an obsession ... And now you know what keeps me young.

Jhoom Bar-Bar Jhoom

Aah finally something weird for my eyes ! ( Feels good when all things are NOT perfect ! )
Read the wonderful review by NDTV.

1) Its okay to mess up with the gender once in a while ... ( highlighted on to the left ... so that you dont miss the writing on the wall !!!) but ...
2) further ... it says "the two strangers start enjoying each other" Wow . Did the reviewer really mean it ?? Or is it the real story ..wait wait ... I bet he meant to write "the two strangers start enjoying each other's company"
... Aaah Now I get it !

Click on the pic to get a "barabar Zoom".

Epitaphs, Epigrams and Life ...

Even in death, people can have a sense of humour ... epitaphs are their way of saying ... "Time for one last joke ? "
I never dedicated any serious thinking time on what I ( technically speaking, the mason) should be writing on my epitaph. I had a spark of thought and decided I would write ...
"NO REGRETS". Hmmm as of now ... that sticks.

Some good epitaphs I found on the net ..

• That's all folks! - Mel Blanc
• Here lies Johnny Yeast, Pardon me for not rising. - found in a cemetery in Ruidoso, New Mexico
• Here lies an Atheist
  All dressed up
  And no place to go.
• I TOLD you I was sick! --Epitaph of a hypochondriac. (lol)
  

Things you should never do .. in relation to epitaphs.

1) Never call up your dad and talk .. "Hi Dad... I was just wondering what you wanted to be inscribed on your epitaph"
2) Never have this 'printed' on your epitaph "SHIT HAPPENED".
3) Dont make your tombstone really really light

... more 'DONT DO THIS' to come.

Irrevocable laws of nature ( Part 1)

Law 1 : If you’re a guy with good hair, over 6’4” ( 6’ in India ) , and can talk like a jay bird, you’ll probably have a career in upper management. The universe will also allow you to be an entrepreneur, lawyer, or doctor. You are not allowed to work in a toll booth or be software programmer.

Law 2 : Nature loves chaos. There is more chance for chaos to penetrate into a discussion than order. Chaos comes above order in the pyramid of natural forces. ( Gravity comes way below, due to obvious reasons )

FreeWrite #117 - Purpose

Last night an angel came in my dreams and told me "Son, Tomorrow is your last day ... Prepare for the eternal silence"

My past flashed in front of me and suddenly life seemed to have a purpose. And I said "All these years I have lived my life .. But I havently done anything worthy . I havent achieved anything yet ... Can you grant me another hundred days more ?"

And the angel said "What will you do in hundred days that you did not do in sixty years ?"

What do you say before you start drinking ?

or ... Infamous first words ( before you are drunk )

These are the lines I usually use/have heard people using when you want to drink.

1) Hey you wanna check out the new dance pub ? They have good music ...
( And you end up with a little dance and lots of drinking )

2) Oh .. I so want to unwind today. Lets go for a drink. ( I had a boring day at office .... at least now ??? )

3) Just one . Absolutely. Just one ( two ..three .. four ... eight .. until you loose count)

4) Long time since I met you, Lets catch up over a drink.
( Was drinking the excuse for catching up .. or was catching up the excuse for drinking ? )

5) My social life is dull . Can you brighten it up by coming with me for a drink ? ( Geez ... nooooo ! You really should have a stupid social life. )

more to be added next time I drink ....

How do we begin to covet ?

Dr.Lecter : What is the first and principal thing he does, what need does he serve by killing?
Clarice : Anger, social resentment, sexual frus-
Dr.Lecter : No, he covets. That's his nature. And how do we begin to covet, Clarice? Do we seek out things to covet? Make an effort to answer.
Clarice : No. We just -
Dr.Lecter :No. Precisely. We begin by coveting what we see every day. Don't you feel eyes moving over your body, Clarice? I hardly see how you couldn't. And don't your eyes move over the things you want?

Silence of the Lambs ( 1991 ) - Thomas Harris

Two sides of the story #1 - The Haneef Detention

Fact -
Dr. Md.Haneef was charged two weeks after his arrest with giving support to a terrorist group because of his links to two brothers suspected in the failed British plot - distant cousins of Haneef's. He left a mobile phone SIM card with one of the brothers when he moved to Australia.
A magistrate on Monday granted Haneef bail, ruling the evidence did not justify holding him in custody. Hours later, the government canceled his visa and said he would be detained on immigration violations if he posted bail.

Side A-
Leaving back a SIM card, your car keys, etc are normal among NRIs who go back to India. The officials should not detain him just on this small connection, even after the court had granted him bail. The evidence is not stark enough .

Side B- Its perfectly okay for a nation to detain people to who have even the remotest link to terrorism, to uphold the safety of itself and its citizens. Didn't India have a dangerous period when innocent people were arrested on charges of terrorism under POTA and TADA ?

The Fox

A fox looked at his shadow at sunrise and said, "I will have a camel for lunch today."
And all morning he went about looking for camels.
But at noon he saw his shadow again -- and he said, "A mouse will do."

- Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931), The Madman

Strange Names

No denial ... names do provide an edge ... If you have a fashionable name ... you are sure to get noticed ...

Do it yourself Excercise #1 - Pick the most noticeable name

-Mahesh
-Dinesh
-Sumesh
-Rajesh
-Paresh
-Rumpelstiltskin

I always have been 'subjected' to questions like "Why do you have a strange name ?" And I have been forced to come up with ever more creative answers ... like my roots are from Portugal ... or my forefathers we were slaves from Madagascar ... etc.

I find these (and many other) names strange... ( And I should give virtual points for those who come up with creative names like these !! )

• Zig-Zag Driving school
• Pin-point Marriage Bureau ( really exists !!! )
  
• Elizabeth Tailors
• Pimp-ils Beauty Parlour cum massage parlour
  
• Guillotine Barbar shop ( i recommend only steel hearted people for a haircut here )
  
• Winfrey Opera Company and ...
  
• Yogi Beer !!!!
  

Neverthless ... it works ! Everything works .... Anything works ... Ask a philosopher ... a name is just a label ... not the thing ... just a name ....

Whats in a name anyway !!!

P.S: For the do-it yourself Test.... Even I picked Paresh, you unholy dim-witted attention monger ... trying to be different !

FreeWrite #83 - When Goa was heaven ( circa 1978)

We roamed around holding high the spirit of the 70s when the poppy was beginning to wilt in the Mid-West. The ashes flew down half the globe to the coastal state of Goa, once dominated by a freewheeling Portuguese crowd. The US had eschewed us .. and India was inviting - the mystic land of snake charmers and false Goddesses.

Anjuna, Day 5- It was heaven. We rested at the fisherman's poor hut staring at the big ball of fire sinking down the horizon like a giant vessel slowly sinking down the Atlantic. Our days began when the sun went down. It was usually cold ... but the fire kept our bones warm. The smoke of delirious pleasure leading to the imaginary stairways of unreasoned calm appeared in front of us. Those had not beginning ... no end and no limits. I reached the dizzying heights of that dreamy land that we had left behind in Jefferson land. Desire took over our bodies . Lust was everywhere; it was love that was difficult to find. Little silhouettes of naked human bodies twirling in random unison dotted the unending dark beach. The only other sound was that of the waves lashing against the old high black rocks staring at the bodies.

Calangute - Day 37 . Life was an aimless journey .. Its almost over a month we are here. Everyday seem to pass like the last days of our lives. No worries, no ambitions, no false-promises. Iam having all that i can take. The mass of the freewheels have left, but we decided to stay back and make this our homes. Theres nowhere else to go. End my life, happily I will. Life has taken all its twists, turns and curves. Theres nothing more to see. Our bodies were addicted to smoke and passionate love .. nights were rough and days slipped by unnoticed. Washed down the shore, sometimes we looked like bodies abandoned by soul. Woke up when the sun was shining directly above us and it was no longer pleasurable to lie on the sand naked. Skin was red and soft with burns and there seemed to be no end to intoxication.

Baga - Day 44 . We met new friends at Baga. Hitchhikers trapped in the eternal journey to find meaning out of this disaster called life. I met her across the bonfire. Eyes glowing like that of a she-wolf and her golden hair flowing like the waves itself. Desire simmered in me. We passed the pipes of joy across in circles and every time I smoked out of it, I saw her staring deep into my eyes with an intensity of a predator. Flesh was calling. We danced around the fire like an ancient ritual, picked our mates from the lot and caroused the moment and held onto what ever we were loosing. We knew .. we were to be separated for ever - Unabashedly, carnal desires turned into wild bouts of uncontrolled orgy until numbness overcame us. I could barely keep my eyes open for long. Sometimes it is impossible to stare at darkness. There were sounds of moans all around me ... deafening me nauseating me ... I felt like drowning down a whirlpool slowly into the depths of the unknown and uncaring.
Silently i uttered "Jesus keep our souls from eternal decay. Amen. "

Spare the road ..

Helmets were made compulsory from last week in Kerala ! Or else pay Rs.100.
My dad doesnt like to wear a helmet because it spoils his hair do ! He spends approxiamtely 3 minutes grooming himself before he walks out of the door. ( Which, I believe, is too much of a time for a guy ! )

Another catch to the law .. The person sitting behind need not wear the helmet .. Now people started abusing the law :) Creative thinking !

On A mother's curse

Gandhari is one of the most profound characters in the Mahabharata. A wife confined to darkness, a mother destined to loose her children, mother-in-law who has to live the tears of all her 'daughters' wailing over their husbands' death. A character of suffering . The most absorbing female character. My second most relatable one after Karna.

I watched Mohiniattam performed by Sridevi Unni on TV over my weekend stay in Cochin and it was more to the aesthetics of the art form than the emotional dramatisation of the story. It depicted Gandhari's curse to Krishna, ( Mahabharata in that way is a balanced epic, democratic and justified. Every character is given a fair share of justice or atleast never denied the chance to fight for it.)

Gandhari's curse

"I curse you, Krishna. I hate to do that, but I curse you. I cannot forgive you what you have done to all these men. I cannot forgive you what you have done to my sons. Look at Duryodhana lying there! Look at Dushshasana! Look at my other sons, all lying dead! All my sons are dead, every one of them, all hundred of them. Killed by you. For, I know you could have saved them if you wanted to.

And look at my daughters-in-law, Krishna. Look at them. They don’t know whether to weep over the dead bodies of their husbands or of their sons. They run from one to the other, possessed by the madness of sorrow, their hair wild, their eyes wild, their speech wild, their hearts wild. Women whom the sun has never seen, women who have never stepped out of the inner apartments of the palace without their heads being covered, without being surrounded by their maids, women whom the world has never seen in the open. Look at them now, Krishna, their cheeks bathed in tears, their eyes red, their lips quivering in uncontrollable sorrow as they try to give expression to their grief in meaningless words, in words that are incomprehensible because they are choked. Look at the women hugging each other, in their vain attempts to find consolation, to give consolation. Look at how they pound their chests, pull at their hair. Look at how their tender faces are streaked with fresh blood as they tear at their skin brutally in their savage sorrow. Listen to their shrieks, Krishna, listen to their wails that fill the battlefield and echo from the distant hills. "

Now thats just the beginning ... The curse is even more deep. For more read here ..
Years later death engulfed krishna .. Death of krishna marked the start of Kali-yuga and they asked ...

Gopis :"Have you abandoned us lord?"
krishna : "How can I abandon those who love me? In Vaikuntha is Go-loka, the divine pleasure-garden. There, surrounded by celestial cows, under flowering trees, beside sparkling rivers, I play the flute and dance with Radha. Come, come and join me in my paradise, sing and dance around me for all eternity."

An eternal message of hope . The gopis should have found their way to Vaikuntha for pleasure is the eternal hope . An undeniable truth. Pleasure is so pleasurable, its worth all the pain.

I want you addicted to my perfume

Don't you know that when you touch me baby that it's torture
Brush up against me I get chills all down my spine
When you talk to me it's painful
You don't know what you do to this heart of mine

- Amber, Sexual ( Li-da-di )

Random notes from a closed hotel room in San Jose (Note #2)

American television sucks. ( Fox news is a 24 hour soap opera ) .. You realise this when you are shut in a hotel room (especially if you are in Room #137, Extended Stay.. ) and left with a 6 pack beer and a cable connection with 12 free channels.
All you have is some blonde bimbo talk about whether it is ethical to send Paris Hilton behind bars ... or some fucked up morons with no idea of where Sudan is talk about Darfur ! Finally you realise that its best to watch nice healthy girls in white play soft ball.

Random notes from a closed hotel room in San Jose (Note #1)

There are a bunch of Chinese in my office. I heard someone say about them that they all look the same. I bet the feeling is mutual. The whole Indian subcontinent ( some 10 countries .. ) might look like the same for some one from outside.
Dont believe me ... ? Wait ... you line up 10 little Indians from 10 different states and, I challenge my big peter, you cannot get 6 out of 10 right on their origins.

Talking about chinese .. they are terrific TT players ... as if they are born with a TT ball. Now TT is something uncommon in the US . Nobody in US plays TT , they play ping pong. If they can call tennis .. tennis ... why cant they call ping pong ... Table Tennis ? Or they should start calling Tennis .. hmm maybe ding dong ?

Freewrite #16 - Hatred

And there he was .... weighing his options and mentally making a list of "the impossible things that would never happen" . The one that topped the list was getting to like her. It just wouldn't happen .. Nature abhors happiness, much like a baby with a full stomach abhors every spoon of pudding forced into it little tummy.

No matter how much he drank .. the outcome could not be altered . No matter how much he thought about it, It just wouldn't change. Philosophy restricted Kinematics. Destiny had already scripted his fate .

Justifying all the wrong that he did and finding a reason to hate her was much easier now.. And it seemed to be the only way out. Blending into the mass of foot soldiers who find reasons not to fight the fight, not because it was not worth it, but because the battle was already lost. He was just another soldier of fortune , unarmed and unaware. The battle certainly was over.

The silent devotion turned into vengeance, beauty into a disfigured demon and etiquette into arrogance. Turning back those dusty tomes of life, somewhere he found these lines ..
"Life is much easier when you let go things you cannot possess."
True. Very True.

Thou shalt not screw up your life !

Ten Commandments according to Moses' God.

1.I am the LORD your God: Thou shalt not have other Gods before me.
( Be a religious fundamentalist .. carry a gun .. shoot others who do not belong to your religion . If you cannot afford a gun, go buy a good knife .... and remember to wipe off the blood and leave no trace behind.)
2.Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD your God in vain.
( OH MY GAAAD ... You only remember me when you are in climax )
3.Remember to keep holy the LORD'S Day.
( Drink heavy on Saturday nights .. Sundays are for hangover, recuperation and slumber )
4.Honor your father and mother.
( orphans exempted )
5. Thou shalt not kill.
( just leave them half dead . It gives more suffering )
6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
( Involve your wife . Threesome rocks. )
7. Thou shalt not steal.
( Just borrow and dont return. )
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbour.
( Rent-a-false-witness.com ..is reliable,cheaper and faster)
9.You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
( .... only his teenage daughter )
10.You shall not covet your neighbor's goods.
( .... they might be cheap and high-maintenance )

Ten commandments on drinking , girls and life in general ( according to me )

Commandment I: Thou shalt not drink alone in a bar.. ( Who shall drive you back after you have fallen twice getting to your bike ? )

Commandment II: Thou shalt not watch porn all night. ( There is a limit for adultery .. stick with one porn star a night )

Commandment III: Thou shalt politely smile at a joke which thou dont like .( if its from a gal) ( corollary : Thou shall frown at a joke that you dont like ( if it is coming from a guy )

Commandment IV: Thou shalt not take life seriously. ( why be serious when you have no control over it anyways ? )

Commandment V: Thou shalt not marry if you dont have plans to multiply. ( Safe sex is an art you should master learn before marriage ... procreate like rodents after you are married)

Commandment VI: Thou shalt act intelligent in front of girls. ( ... and Thou shall remember her name that night )

Commandment VII : Thou shalt not steal office supplies. ( Shame on you ... Really !)

Commandment VIII: Thou shalt not invite your friend for a drink .. just to spend time with his girlfriend. ( Invite only her, see if he dumps him)

Commandment IX: Thou Shalt not date more than one girl a day. ( Ever kept a limit on your spending dude ?? )

Commandment X: Thou shalt not borrow your friend's Digital Camera more than once.

How to boost your memory in 30 seconds

A 'scientist' ( Dr Andrew Parker) from Manchester Metropolitan University ( MMU) has found that moving your eyes horizontally for almost 30 seconds can improve your memory upto 10% ! An interesting piece of research considering that these researches are closely associated with phantom memory ( associating words/thoughts with wrong sources ) .

Almost synonymous to the brilliant behavioural neurologis V.S. Ramachandran's work on phantom limbs ( associating non-existant limbs to memory areas in brain, giving the fake impression of a phantom limb ) , the current research could lead to some break through in the way we think and remember.

Cant we get original ? Rip-off or reverse-engineered ?

Before making my decisions .. I did a quick reverse check .. Would Hollywood be plagiarising Hindi Movie Titles into theirs ??? Yeah and this is what I got which came closest to a rip-off (with some 'slight' modifications in their titles ) . Jiyo aur Jeene Do (1969) and Live and Let Die (1973) . Certainly they were 'inspired' by us ! ;)

Now there is more .... Jeeo Aur Jeene Do (1982 ) ( a reverse rip-off ) ( Jitendra and Reena Roy ) should not be confused with the Sailesh Kumar, Tanuja one .( 1969 ) ... How many more to come ?? Am still hunting for interesting rip-offs. Do you have any submissions ?

Free Write #18 - Regret

Another bout of depression and old memories. This time, it was more intense ... the emotions sunk deep into his heart ... the venom slowly dripping into his system .. never was it more painful than now ... He bit down the pain .. closed his eyes and let the moment pass ... It was so very painful.. He wept. He so wished she was near him.

Wisdom suggested silence ... But inside he knew it was not the time to be wise... sometimes following your heart is the wisest thing to do. Regret is .. hell on earth - He wouldn't have agreed more. Regret- the uninvited guest who comes in the wrong time.

He remembered the first time he met her. It was the same. Silence. Uncanny silence. Silence was painful then. Silence still is painful tonight. All those three years passed in front of him like a flash.

Its the primal instinct of every man to go for the best ... So did he, three years ago. There was, however, no instincts working in favour of him tonight. He was just another animal happy to have survived the temporary onslaught of irrationality.

Sighs, Regrets and Self-pity. Enough.
He poured away the drink and went to bed. It is never too late to start again. Sleep. Tomorrow will be another day.

Let bygones be bygones ...

A Bollywood ending

I dont hate bollywood movies .. I just hate the way they end.
But then again looking at the 150 minutes of adventure, emotion, music, sex and drama packed celluloid life, it is pretty good a bargain for Rs.80-100 . Looking back, it is important to get it all perfect and happy at the end of the movie .. because as we know, it is difficult .. or almost always - impossible in real life. So I started watching the lesser known Bollywood movies, lest I should end up totally incapable of enjoying and appreciating the simple joys of life. Soon I grew bored of them, boredom grew into contempt, contempt into revulsion and further into hatred. ( Iam not a Hollywood movie evangelist either)

I hate the way movies glorify violence. I hate the way they bring in a perfect ending to every single two-something-hour episode. I hate the way they portray a wrong image about life. I hate the way they tell you that life is fair and everything ends well. I hate them because they say that good always triumphs over the evil. I hate them because they mix the emotions so well that people love to feel emotionally vulnerable.

For a moment I kept aside my prejudices and gave a fair look into these movies .. Maybe there is something in them that make people want for more. What makes Indian cinema uniquely different ? And why hasn't the essential 'formula' never changed over the ages ?

a) Songs in Indian Cinema
More than an additional source of revenue for a movie, the songs that come with the movies are more of a historical residue. ( Songs featured from the time man began to speak in the movies. ) There is a song for every occasion- be it a funeral, birthday, festival .. or my favorite - the judaii scene. It will definitely take another research why Indian movie goers cannot live without 5 songs in a movie. But for these songs .. there would never have been a better teen pass time called Antaakshari - What better way to entertain yourself when you are on a four hour journey with 3 girlfriends of yours ? ;)

b) The catchy dialogues ( usually re-used a hundred times)
These can also be used as a quick guide to understand the context if you have missed the previous 3 minutes of the movie.

"Mein tumharey bachey ki ma banne wali hu" ( usually accompanied by very loud background music .. )
context : The duo have an illegitimate affair and the lady is pregnant , .. usually the guy is unwilling to marry and the lady is unwilling for an abortion.

"Kanoon kay hath bahut lambey hothey hein " -
context : The much wanted criminal is finally nabbed by the cops ( can go upto 25-30 years of chase and being in the hit list). The scene might usually be that of an old but influencial and powerful criminal ring leader being handcuffed by a very law abiding and 'clean' policeman with 3 or 4 constables overlooking , and old Mahindra jeep in the background. This might be soon after a bloody confrontation between the two sides ( usually with lots of bullets zipping across and the death of a couple of cops )

"Kuthey ... Mein thera khoon pee jaonga"
Attributed to Dharmendra??. The next scene is definitely going to be violent.
Another reason why the dogs in India ( esp North India) are malnourished.

Tumney Is Khandaan ki izzath ko mitti mey mila diya.
Literary translation : ( You have mixed the Family izzath ( supposedly a strong binding agent ) - with the local sand. ( Didnt you know the chemical formula for the binder was a family secret ?? .. you duffer !)

Yeh Shaadi kabhi nahi ho sakthi .
context :
1) either the rich son tells his dad about his intention to marry a poor girl. ( or vice versa ) or ...
2) during the muhurat of the wedding, some old nobleman dives in to the wedding scene and just as the bride is about to be garland'ed' .. he shouts ... "Nahiiii .. Yeh Shaadi nahi ho sakthi" ( everything stops and the camera zooms in to the elderly mans face )

c) The length of the movie.
Take this : Sholay was 3 hrs 25 minutes .. Lagaan was 3 hrs and 40 mins and LOC Kargil was 4 hrs 15 minutes !!!!!!
Do we really need a 3+ hour escape from reality to entertain ourselves .. really? But looking through the list of the longest movies, I get consoled that not a single Indian movie features in the 10 longest movies. ( longest being a Chinese movie , running time : 27 hrs ! )

d) Absolute lack of variation
Barring the occasional diversions from the norm, we have our 'ready-made-templates' for the actors - Movies are made for the actors. Sometimes the story lines are made with some actor in mind. Can there be a Hrithik Roshan movie where he does not have a dancing number ? Johnny Lever cannot handle ( never ever ) a serious role. Pran is always a villain. Sunny Deol is always angry and hot blooded.

But then again ... an Industry as big as a nation, watching a Hindi movie over the weekend is not that bad an idea.

Trivia :
Of the top 20 All time earners in Bollywood ( adjusting inflation) , there were only 3 movies made post 2000 . - Gadar, Dhoom 2 and Munnabhai-2

Eyes so Deep

I saw an ocean in your eyes
And an island in your heart
I sailed all day and dreamt all night
Only to find a barren soul
I will never look into those eyes again
I will never look into those eyes again

Public Paparazzi

Did you see the latest offering by rediff to woo in more committed readers ?
Send in your pictures with celebrities and they will feature on this page of rediff ..
Its definitely a novel idea and Andy Warhol's idea of the 15 minutes-of-fame time-contracted to the "three seconds of fame" draws realization among the indian readers.

This one pic definitely caught my eyes .. Salman Khan .. and no surprises if he poses for a candid picture bare chested ;)

Do I look like a Mallu ? No … you sound like one.

DISCLAIMER :

I base my observations on a few people I know that I often can relate to as ‘quintessential mallus’ ( including me ) . Any semblance to any other ‘mallu’ alive shouldn’t be taken as marks of offense/insult. Garv se kaho hi tum mallu ho. ( apologies to BJP : Garv se kaho ki tum …. )

A scientific approach to finding some answers

Recent turn of events in my life, when some one notices the occasional nasal tones ‘in some particular vowels and syllables’, when I use English as a mode of verbal communication, has set me to (sit down and) think about why only Mallus are assaulted for their innate 'abilities' to talk from their nose and accentuate on certain vowels .

French and German accents are considered sexy. ( for that matter Eastern European accents too ) . British/Australian accent is a turn on. American is real. Chinese as natural. A north Indian accent is more likely to be dismissed as the “Indian norm”. Even the ‘horrible’ Bengali-English accent is not as suspiciously or menacingly looked (down?) upon as the Mallu-English accent.


What makes Malayalam as a language different ? And where does the difficult-not-to-miss Mallu accent originate from ?

The peculiar case of extra vowels .

English has 5 vowels and 21 consonants
Hindi : 11 vowels and 35 consonants.
Tamil : 12 vowels and 18 consonants
Bengali : 14 vowels and 29 consonants

While Malayalam stands out distinctly with
16 vowels and 37 consonants !!! ( Iam wondering if there are any other Indian language with this many vowels or consonants !)

Does the extra vowels hold a reason for their nasal influence ? ( More research needed before I come to a conclusion)

Or could it be that the two special vowels (/äu/ and /ai/) taken from Sanskrit hold the key ??

The English influence on Mallu “expats”

Any Mallu who is not brought up in Kerala has to have a non-mother tongue which invariably becomes his first language ( and which is often English ). On the other hand, for a quintessential mallu brought up in Kerala, it is definitely Malayalam . English features as a very distant second language. So they are trained to use those difficult vowels from age Zero. Probably the first few vowels did contain the genetic modifiers .

Adding to the general indifference shown by Mallus towards the knowledge of their own language, not knowing how to read and write in Malayalam is rather considered not as a sign of disgrace but an essential factor contributing to your “urban-ness”. ( I learnt these two soon-disappearing-art at a very later stage in my life … with very conscious effort by finding a teacher during spare saturdays and sundays and taking me over 3 years.)

Quick Linguistical Discrimination Test

1. A mallu will have trouble telling “Roam in Rome” ( essentially sounds the same for him) ( Ref : Plaint of a Mallu )
2. A mallu will be immediately stared upon when using these words - College , Lorry, Omelet, Orange, Onion.
3. A monkey is sometimes pronounced Mangi.
4. Queen ….. is sometimes Kyuun .
5. Gulf is Gelf. ( for anyone who has gone to Dubayi )

Future Plan

Some day I plan to write an intelligent software which asks you to dictate few words / phrases and then calculates the obliqueness from the normal accent and locates you geographically with the help of your accent. ( The software will ‘jemb’ into ‘conglusion’ if it’s a Mallu taking the test. )

Cross references

To attribute unique accents to Mallus is not just biased but criminal . It exists all through the Indian subcontinent.

- Bangalis say “God Shave the Queen”
- For 'Andhrites' and people from Orrissa/Bihar, there is no ‘z’ there is only ‘j’
( A compressed file is a JIP file not a zip file.)
- thirty is thirrtty for a north Indian .

and did you forget the Bangalore English ?? so soon ?

As I always write … a quick and dirty way to escape these nuances in accent is to
‘roll the ‘r’s and flatten the ‘t’s.

To end it all with a Mallu Joke …

Why did the Mallu cross the road ??
-Simbly .

-------------------------------------------------------------------
Articles worth reading :
Spot the Mallu, anywhere by K. BALAKRISHNAN ( very essential research material ;) )

Wisdom Blocked and wisdom Blogged. ( references )
http://balancinglife.blogspot.com/2005/05/indian-accents-and-flawless-speech.html

Free write #34 - The two lovers

And then they were lying beside each other staring straight onto the heavens like two tired lovers ... softly chanting each other's names ...
It sounded like a litany ... but every time she whispered his name into his ears, it had that depth of wanting ... it had that depth of craving .. and everytime it was gnawing deep into his heart ...

He knew it was true .. and it was true indeed. He could feel the longing in those words... She wanted to be hugged ... so did he. He moved over to her lips and bit them like a lustful lover, and bit her neck like a hungry hyena sinking its teeth deep into a carcass.

She closed her eyes and tried to live the moment as if something like this would never happen again in her life time. She lived every moment of it. It was ecstasy far beyond words could describe.

Windows for $3.

Microsoft has announced a windows suite ( XP Starter Edition, Microsoft Office Home , Student 2007, Microsoft Math 3.0, Learning Essentials 2.0 for Microsoft Office and Windows Live Mail desktop ) for $3 as a part of its Microsoft Partners in Learning program (PiL, a $250 million investment) in developing countries across the globe.

What does this mean for the Software world and primarily for Microsoft ?



a) A truly Windows-based-sub-$100 pc is more of a reality with the major chunck of financial burden posed by the costly softwares is removed
b) MS has a renewed push to combat piracy of its costly Windows OS and suites.
c) Software race against their new free goodie giver- Google - over its online Office like doc management tools gets a reasonable look.
d) MS extends its reach to difficult regions of the developing world.
e) subsidy based software sales ( with additional revenue coming from ads inbuilt in software and OS??) becomes a prime mode of sales .
f) Finally, Mr.Gates enhances his philanthropic image.

No Hug, No Kiss ; We are religious fundamentalists !!

Furore over display of physical intimacy?? has rocked the past weeks in Pakistan ( when the tourism minister, Nilofer Bakhtiar, earned a fatwa from radical Islamist mosque for her hugging a French parachute-jumping-instructor ) and in India ( right wing Hindu nationalist party,Shiv Sena burnt effigies of Richard Gere for kissing Shilpa Shetty during an AIDS awarenewss event in Delhi )

This is what the Islamist fundamentalist had to say about the minister hugging the instructor ... "Hugging is an illegitimate and forbidden act and and the minister has committed a great sin .. " .. and this is what Shiv Sena MP Sanjay Raut had to say about the Richard Gere-Shilpa Shetty episode "not at all in keeping with our culture and tradition" (Shiv Sena has demanded the arrest of Gere for "hurting the sentiments of Indians ")

I thought our culture was a very tolerant one ?
Next stop : What will the rightist christian fundamentalist protest against ?? You guess ...

Latest development : (April 26 2007 ) : Arrest warrant issued against Richard Gere . ( court appearance on May 5, 2007 ... )

Bowling for Virginia ?

Univ of Texas ( 1966) ( 16 deaths )
Jonesboro School, AK ( 1998) ( 5 death)
then came Columbine (1999) ( 15 deaths )
now it is Virginia Tech ( 32 deaths ) ( minus the killer )

All have one common thread .. the shooter just wanted body count and had apparently no particular reason on targetting anyone specific .... and these could have been avoided with stringent guns rule ... ( Most of these firearms where bought from Sears,Walmarts and other places where you buy toys,chewing gums and toilet papers. )

Still the NRA is not budged . Didnt the messiah of conspiracy theories, Micheal Moore, prophesies about more of these kind 5 years ago ?

What US needs is ..
a) Ban on firearms in public places
b) Freeze on selling of weapons in supermarkets and shops
c) Buy back of already existing arms in the community ( as done in Australia, 1996 after the Port Arthur killings)

Virginia Tech Shootings does not give a new dimension to the status quo .. it just thickens the need for something drastic and an end to America's fascination for guns. During the personal computing era it was .. "A PC for every home ...." and now it is a gun in every hand. Whats next ?

Other Readings

Profs from Harvard School of Public Health concluding that Americans feel much safer in a places where guns are not allowed.

References
[1] The big list of school massacres .
For the timeline of how it happened, Virginia Tech homepage says it all.

Smoking out the evil

How many cigars/cigarettes does James Bond smoke ?
Ans : As many as 60 a day !! ( Morland Specials ) [1]

My grandfather quit smoking at the age of 75. He died at the age of 93. He didnt have to use nicotine patches, neither did he sip on cold orange juice everytime he had a craving. It was an overnight decision.

Personally I dont have anything against smokers ... even when I have to be a passive one. People who smoke because they think it is cool, or because smoking gives them a pseudo sense of relief , like a placebo relieving you from headache or because it gives them the three-seconds-thrill, miss the whole point in not smoking ... and would always do it.
People should not be persuaded to give up smoking, they should not be deprived , they should not be isolated ; for that matter nothing is as powerful as they realising it themselves. But they should never be coaxed into smoking.

The WHO even accused the bollywood for 'promoting' smoking as a 'cool thing to do'. Will the bollywood ever budge ? Definitely not given the fact that few of their awards are sponsored by major cigarette making brands.

What is it like to smoke ?? When asked this question , someone told me ... its like the first 3 steps that you take when you are out of a roller coaster ride . ( I asked myself .. how long should the rollercoaster ride last to make you feel like that ?? )

Reasons to give up smoking #47 : It only takes 8 hrs for the carbon monoxide and nicotine content in your blood to reduce to half. [2]

Good news and Bad news : For a regular smoker, it only takes a year for the risk of heart attack to lower by half. But it takes a whooping 15 years for the risk of heart attack to reduce to the same level as that of a non-smoker.

And finally if you are smoker and tried quitting ... here another place where you can find tips to quit smoking .. ( definitely you have seen others like this )

Latest News : April 25 2007 : Govt to set up tobacco regulatory body for effective implementation of anto-tobacco laws. Read More here :
References :
[1] Wikipedia - List of famous smokers
[2] emomtional health - Some misconceptions about smoking

Who will look after your children Mrs. President ?

The 2008 presidential candidates are certainly unique in their own ways . No Macho Texan cowboy image , no heroic last action heroes and no powerful millionaire image.

Welcome to presidential elections 2008 . The year of change. This time the democratic candidates are certainly of a different built – either be the case , we would have a “first” of sorts . – The first woman president or a person from the afro-american roots.

A recent statistics showed that Mrs. Clinton had raised 26 million as election campaign booty for the party while Obama finished a close 25 million. Certainly if these figures could translate themselves into votes, Mrs. Clinton could well be on her way to be the next president of the United States .

But the battling question still remains – Are Americans ready for a female president ?

How is Mrs. Clinton perceived by the conservative Americans especially in the Mid West and Central parts of US ? When motherhood is an asset for a candidate, cold, calculative and ambitious ( often attributed to Mrs.Clinton ) are certainly not a trait that the electorate are looking for a in a woman. ( Though it is treated as a positive attribute when the person in question is a Man. )

What the Americans want is a strong Caucasian – arrogant , assertive , powerful and determined – flamboyant and intelligent MAN – who can carry forward the repressive image that United States today portrays itself to be. – Will Mrs.Clinton be able to wear that hat ? Lets wait .

And iam pretty curious to know what Bill Clinton would be called if Hillary is elected President ... First Gentleman ?

SEZ – to be or not to be ( Part 1 )

The recent row over SEZs have little to do with real concern for the poor farmers . As they say “its all part of a game – a political game”. A quick look at the pros and cons of the SEZ dilemma that India is facing today -

• Drawbacks

a) the compulsory land grabbings means lower selling cost for lands for the farmers. These low priced land acquired for “public good” exchanges hands into government agencies , real estate developers and then to private industrial institutions and in this journey, their prices multiply several folds. Undoubtedly somebody in this process makes huge profits. Its just a matter of common sense to understand how much of the cut in profit the farmers might get .

b) With all the investment benefits , tax holidays , import duty cuts and service, sales, center and state tax benefits, think who really makes the biggest benefit ? ( And how will the government (ultimately the public ) ever make a ROI ? ) ( Don’t tell me the increased FDI will eventually work out !! )

• Why are SEZs needed ?

a) We draw the example from the land policies / government acquisitions and the policies on SEZs in China which have resulted in very rapid progress and development , thrusting China to the super power status . Even after the 234 proposed SEZs come into being , it will take up only 0.1% of the farmlands .

b) These would attract ( mind the word – attract ) an investment worth Rs.300,000 crores and generate 4 million jobs.

With other factors which still need to be thought about and discussed – ( to be covered in a later part ) –have you made up your mind yet ? What is your stand today towards the SEZ ?? Go for it or go against it ?

50 years of Dravidian politics

Trivia : Which is the first democratically elected communitst Government ?

If you said … The EMS government in Kerala , 1957 , … WRONG.

We had British Guiana , 1953 , under Dr. Cheddi Jagan and even before it … San Marino, 1948 …. I used to take pride that I come from the place which had the first democratically elected Commie Government … now the myth is busted and my pride lowered.


However .. it’s the 50th year of the first democratically elected Communist Government in the Country. – Look back 50 years into the past – and you see EMS and the communist government – How ironic … in Gods own country the cimmunists prevail !

50 years of Thalaivar .

Another southern state which has come to limelight is TamilNadu with the DMK supreme K Karunanidhi completing his 50 years in the state Assembly … As always … this too doesn’t go without a controversy . The AIADMK head J Jayalalithaa has appealed to the president not to accept the invitation for the state-sponsored-celebration of the supremo’s 50 years in the state assembly saying “he has actually served only 38 years” … Now the President is in a dilemma .. to come or not to come ?
For the AIADMK it’s a direct question … Mr.President , Do you want a second term ?

My 'sweet' Jesus

Catholic pressure groups have come to picture yet again . This time in NY, to ban the exhibition of Cosimo Cavallaro's 6 foot chocolate statue (90.7kg , 485460 Calories ) of Jesus on the crucifix. ( no crucifix though )

Another similar incident on covering up of human anatomy - The US DoJ spends 8,000 to cover the semi-nude 'Spirit of justice' statue .

What ever happened to freedom of expression ??

Three Unfaithful Wives

Three unfaithful wives of mine
Always cuddle me when Iam on wine
Know not where they stay
Not near, but not so far away .

Every morning they love me endlessly
Stays through the whole evening with glee
But every night they disapper
Until In the morning, their knock I hear

Let me tell you who they are ...
One is pain, that leaves the scar
The other Jealosy, the one who feigns
And the third, Anger, the one who reigns.

Hoo Haa India !!

"The Indian team eats cricket , breathes cricket, talks cricket .. smells cricket ... they do 'every thing cricket' .. except play cricket."
- From an sms joke

Now that India is out of the Cricket World Cuppa, its time to relax and read better things in the news papers , see lesser of Mandira Bedi's skin and no more jingoistic ads featuring Indian team as tigers and other ferocious wild animals . ( Some ads even remotely resemble a scene from Gladiator .. the only difference is in real life ..they get busted )

Criket star look alikes all over India are having a tough time ... Is this a cricket crazy mob .. or an irrational outburst of "sportsman spirit" ?

I never thought loosing a game could cause an economic meltdown of sorts especially where cricket, bollywood and political chaos go hand in hand. ( sometimes out of hand ) . 600 crore loss in ad revenue, 30 crore loss for the travel industry and change in strategy shift for the electronics industry (now a lower target, and lesser number of TV sets to be sold ) .. Nobody knows how much money has gone into making the numerous "world cup specific ads' - Nike being the eye candy of all . ( Dont forget the stupid Loy-Shankar composed song -Mind and body, heart and soul - for Visa - What a tragic melody it turned out to be ! apt and sarcastic )

A group inAhmedabad has even gone to the extent of 'boycotting' anything thats endorsed by the indian cricket team ... that mean saying no to everything from Visa/Master card , to toothpastes , washing powders, lots of cola and even some wall paints !

Team India needs us more than ever . Now that sponsors will shun them .. its only us who can give them moral support and courage ( to come back and live in India )